One afternoon each week I teach meditation at a drug rehabilitation centre near Adelaide. I have only been doing this for four weeks but I am starting to wonder who is doing the teaching.
Each week I come away feeling quite deeply affected by the openness and vulnerability of the people who live at the centre. Most of them are at a point in their lives where they have had no choice but to say, "I surrender – please help me".
Usually we begin with a very short meditation, as the newer people sometimes have trouble keeping physically still while their systems are detoxing.
Then I check that everyone is OK before going on to a longer session.
Last week, after the first sitting, I noticed that one of the new arrivals had a strange look on his face.
I asked him if he was OK and he said, "I have never, ever felt so relaxed in my whole life". He seemed astounded that it was possible to experience peace without the use of drugs. I don’t think that he’d ever imagined that such peace could exist in him. He was responsible for this peace – it had not been created by an external stimulus.
I didn’t ask him his reasons for taking drugs, but they are probably the same as for most people – to have some level of peace from the mind.
It is accepted, even encouraged in our society to use drugs as relaxants. Many people "unwind" after a day at work with a few drinks. It’s a quick and easy way to relax. Many people also use cannabis and other drugs (including TV) for the same reason. But why do we need to unwind? Why do we get wound up in the first place?
When I was young I experimented with a number of drugs. I was quite shy and self-conscious and found that with some drugs, I would have some relief from the burden of being me. I would experience peace. I could see that the only thing between me and this peace was actually me. But I could also see that the peace was temporary and that the hangover was anything but peaceful.
The drugs were very tempting because there was an almost instant feeling of relief, but I found the temporary nature of the peace unsatisfactory.
It wasn’t until I started meditating at the age of 37 that I realised there was a way to feel a much deeper peace. I wasn’t keen to go to my first class – my partner dragged my along.
I have always been a very logical person and I didn’t see meditation as a very logical activity. I felt there were many other more worthwhile things to be doing. How wrong I was.
The teacher advised me to sit still, watch my breath, see my thoughts, detach from them and then go back to the breath. Although this sounds simple I found it extremely difficult at first, but I persevered and slowly it became easier.
I started to see how much control my mind had over me, but I could also see that by just watching the thoughts they would lose their power and dissipate.
At first I believed that it was the thoughts that were causing me to suffer but I soon realised that it was my reactions to the thoughts. I was making myself suffer. I was responsible for how I felt.
It was then that I started to experience a peace that was deeper than anything I had felt before, and the depth of this peace came from the knowledge that it is always there. I could relax within this peace.
This was around ten years ago. So much has happened since then.
Teaching has become my meditation...and the peace continues to deepen.
In 1997 Linda Clair had a profound awakening during a ten-day retreat in northern New South Wales with Peter Jones. She later described the experience as "deeper than bliss".
She knew now what was possible, and she also knew that she would not be satisfied until that state became permanent.
In 2004 she travelled to Japan and spent six weeks at a Zen monastery with Hogen-san’s Master, Harada Tangen Roshi, known as Roshi Sama. Her time with him was intense. She sensed she was close to the culmination of her journey. Roshi Sama gave her the name Dai’an Jishin, which translates as "deep peace, compassionate heart/mind".
Her search ended during a ten-day retreat with Hogen-san at Springbrook, in the mountains behind the Gold Coast in Queensland.
Visit Linda's site:: www.simplemeditation.net
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