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Things that up until that moment, have either felt too uncomfortable or too much to handle or we just did not have the skills, support, strength and safety to deal with them in the past. At this stage of the game this is when most of us cry ‘But I thought things were supposed to get better, not worse!’ This is when most of us would want to stop! Perhaps we even have stopped at this point in the past, because it all felt too much. Yet what happens if you continue to pour crystal clear water into a glass with sediment? Yes, it flows over and empties out of the glass until all you have in the glass is crystal clear water. Often we have to become aware of what is already inside of us, before we can replace it with something better. It is like when you go on a physical detoxification to cleanse out old toxins from your body under the guidance of a naturopath or dietitian. The sudden change of the nature of the whole and pure food you eat and absence of toxic substances into your system creates what is known as a healing crisis in the body, where the release of toxins in the body surface in often uncomfortable ways, like headaches and aching muscles and joints. Eventually this passes as you maintain the regime and you clear your body of the poisons, gaining more energy, aliveness and wellness as a result. For us we may experience emotions and feelings that we do not like or find unpleasant that we would normally resist. Yet if we persist with pouring in the crystal water in the form of continuing with going for what we really want, facing ourselves and staying with our process of transformation, then we will be released from the restrictions we feel, and discover new experiences of aliveness, joy and happiness. Bob Mandel in his book Open Heart Therapy reminds us to trust in these times of transition, that ‘What is on it’s way up, is on it’s way out.” In our lives when we are letting go and moving on from the old and no longer useful in our lives, and moving towards the new, the unknown, extending ourselves to become more, the journey between these two points is a transition time, passing from one to another. It is also a confusing time for us as we often feel like all that is solid and stable has been taken away, and not yet replaced with something else to support us. In other cultures the major life transitions from one state to another, from child to adult, from single to married, from life to death, are acknowledged as initiatory rites of passage. They are also often acknowledged as ‘dangerous’ times because of their instability, and thus precautions are taken to ensure the safety of the initiate in their journey from the known to the unknown, from the old to the new so that they make it. This is the origin of the bridesmaids, matron-of-honour and the young children that accompany the bride walking down the aisle in our present traditional wedding ceremony. Inherited from the ancient Roman rite of passage of matrimony, it was believed that the bride, in her transition from the house of her father to the house of her new husband, was not protected by the gods and spirits of either household, so was in danger during this passage. In the past, the power and relevance of times of transition was very much acknowledged. So too for us, times of change, transition and growth feel like very energetic times, very impactful times, and sometimes they ‘feel’ dangerous, unstable and unsafe for us. Yet they are not. That is just our interpretation. In truth we cannot lose anything that is of value to us, which to our highest good and that we are meant to have. Those feelings about the energy of change and transition are ones that can also be transmuted to an experience of acceptance, excitement, enjoyment and safety. How we can protect our selves from these perceived times of potential loss is in our interpretation of events. To trust rather than to fear. Tom Crum in his book Magic of Conflict counsels us with this Zen-like approach of trust and adaptation:
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