A Regular Q & A column exploring the mystery of enlightenment
Q: In your state, do you know where thoughts are coming from, or who is thinking them?
Linda: Now, it’s harder for me to think than not to think. There are still thoughts that go through, but I don’t know where they come from; they come out of nothing and go into nothing. I know they’re not me. They’re still there at times, but there’s no-one there to identify with them. There are long periods without thoughts, but at times – it’s a very light thing, almost like wispy clouds going through. There’s no attachment to them like there was before, where I would get into it and feel; there’s no feeling about them. I don’t know where they come from.
Q: So they’re spontaneous? There is no thinker thinking them?
Linda: No. there’s no-one thinking. I can’t sit down and decide to think about something. I can’t do that any more, but I don’t have the slightest desire to do it. Thinking is a highly over-rated pastime. I don’t know whether the thoughts will eventually go completely, or if they will just keep floating through from time to time.
Q: I suppose you need them to come from time to time, like when you go shopping, and you have to remember what you need.
Linda: No, I write a list. I need to write lists. And as soon as something comes up that I need to do, I have to do it straight away, or it just goes. I just can’t hang onto it. So I either write it down, or do it. I have to be very disciplined in the way I do things. If I’m cooking, I need to stay in the room, because as soon as I walk out of the room, it’s gone. The room ceases to exist.
But I don’t worry about forgetting; I always remember what I need to remember. It used to concern me; it used to really bother me when I couldn’t remember, but eventually, you let that go, and with that comes a great peace. It’s a huge relief not to be attached to remembering.
As we’re doing things and communicating with people, we keep trying to store all this stuff. The mind keeps saying, you have to remember this, you have to remember that, and we are so used to storing all this information. The mind is telling us, ‘You can’t exist without me’; that’s what it’s saying all the time, but with the memories, it’s also creating emotion. A lot of our memories are emotional remembrances. What happens with meditation is that the emotion is cleaned out, and so is the attachment to memory.
As we’re doing things, we’re always trying to remember them – store them in our head all the time – and that separates us from what is really happening now. It’s not a very efficient or enjoyable way to live.
Memories can make you feel secure in a way, because they are the known – the past, and we have a deep fear of the unknown. But it is a false security. Nothing in the world is secure. Anything can happen at any time.
The only security is in the present moment, because it is always here. It’s always Now.
When you are free of attachment to thoughts, you actually become the present moment, and with this, all your fears and anxieties disappear.
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